Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

New york times bestselling author jen lancaster takes you from sorority house to penthouse to poorhouse in her hilarious memoir of living the sweet life—until real life kicked her to the curb. She had the perfect man, the perfect job—hell, she had the perfect life—and there was no reason to think it wouldn't last.

Or maybe there was, but jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice. This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she's gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she'd never have to answer for when times were good.

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it's a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.

Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

But lucky for us, lancaster knows how to make the life of the lower crust mercilessly funny and infinitely entertaining. Whether she's reporting rude neighbors to homeland Security, or fighting-and losing-the Battle of the Stairmaster- Lancaster explores how silly, harboring a crush on her grocery store clerk, strange, and not-so-fabulous real city living can be.

. Jen lancaster hates to burst your happy little bubble, but life in the big city isn't all it's cracked up to be. And if anyone doesn't like it, pink, fat, they can kiss her big, puffy down parka. Contrary to what you see on TV and in the movies, most urbanites aren't party-hopping in slinky dresses and strappy stilettos.


Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pi e is Not The Answer

A note from jen lancaster: "to whom the fat rolls…I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. It’s a health matter, i've learned i have to make changes so I don't, and here on the eve of my fortieth year, you know, die.

Unfortunately, being overweight isn't simply a societal issue that can be fixed with a dose healthy of positive self-esteem. Because what good is finally being able to afford a pedicure if I lose a foot to adult onset diabetes?"Watch a QuickTime trailer for this book. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter.

And i hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans.

Pretty in Plaid: A Life, A Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase

Prepare to take a long walk in her drool-worthy shoes in this humorous and heartwarming trip down memory lane. Before she was bitter, before she was lazy, an aspiring sorority girl who didn't know her Coach from her Louis Vuitton, Jen Lancaster was a badge-hungry Junior Girl Scout with a knack for extortion, and a budding executive who found herself bewildered by her first encounter with a fax machine.

Jen lancaster's cultural inferiority complex had to come from somewhere. And now fans can find out where in this hilarious New York Times bestselling memoir from the author of Bitter is the New Black. In this hilarious and touching memoir, Jen Lancaster looks back on her life—and wardrobe—and reveals a young woman not so different from the rest of us.


The Tao of Martha: My Year of LIVING; Or, Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog

One would think that with her impressive list of bestselling self-improvement memoirs Jen Lancaster would have it all together by now. By immersing herself in martha’s media empire, her house, Jen embarks on a yearlong quest to take herself, her husband and maybe even her pets to the next level—from closet organization to party planning.

Maybe jen can avoid food poisoning if she follows Martha’s dictates on proper storage. Maybe she can rid her workout clothes of meatball stains by using Martha’s laundry tips. Again. And maybe she’ll discover that the key to happiness does, in fact, lie in Martha’s perfectly arranged cupboards and charcuterie platters.

After all, she’s no Martha Stewart. Maybe she can create a more meaningful anniversary celebration than getting drunk in the pool with her husband. And that’s why jen is going to martha up and live her life according to the advice of America’s overachieving older sister—the woman who turns lemons into lavender-infused lemonade.

One would be wrong.

My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is t he New Black; Or, A Culture-Up Manifesto

Now, jen chronicles her efforts to achieve cultural enlightenment, in this bitter and witty memoir, with some hilarious missteps and genuine moments of inspiration along the way. Jen uses any means necessary on her quest to better herself: reading canonical literature, researching artisan cheeses, viewing classic films, attending the opera, and even enrolling in etiquette classes to improve her social graces.

She may discover that well-regarded, high-priced stinky cheese tastes exactly as bad as it smells, and that her love for Kraft American Singles is forever. In jen’s corner is a crack team of experts, including Page Six socialites, gourmet chefs, an opera aficionado, and a master sommelier. Readers have followed new york times bestselling author Jen Lancaster through job loss, weight loss attempts, sucky city living, and 1980s nostalgia.

But one thing’s for certain: Eliza Doolittle’s got nothing on Jen Lancaster—and failure is an option.

Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner

Now the new york times bestselling author gives herself—and her generation—a kick in the X, by facing her greatest challenge to date: acting her age. In such a pretty fat, Jen Lancaster learned how to come to terms with her body. Jen is finally ready to put away childish things except her Barbie Styling Head, of course and embrace the investment-making, mortgage-carrying, life-insurance-having adult she’s become.

From getting a mammogram to volunteering at a halfway house, she tackles the grown-up activities she’s resisted for years, and with each rite of passage she completes, she’ll uncover a valuable—and probably humiliating—life lesson that will ease her path to full-fledged, if reluctant, adulthood.

In my fair lazy, she expanded her mind.

Stories I'd Tell in Bars

Because what's more fun than hearing a friend share her favorite stories? As she details the chaos that will surely ensue if she has to learn to operate one more television remote control, you'll want to settle in and pour yourself a tall one. Unfiltered. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar.

. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. If she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.


I Regret Nothing: A Memoir

She wrote a whole memoir about dieting…but didn’t lose weight. From bitter is the new black to the tao of martha, grow up, she’s managed to document her and her generation’s attempts to shape up, and have it all—sometimes with disastrous results…Sure Jen has made mistakes. She spent all her money from a high-paying job on shoes, clothes, and spa treatments.

She embarked on a quest for cultural enlightenment that only cemented her love for John Hughes movies and Kraft American Singles. She then carried a Prada bag to the unemployment office. The new york times bestsellernew york times bestselling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement.

She tried to embrace everything Martha Stewart, while living with a menagerie of rescue cats and dogs. Glitter…everywhere. Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in savannah makes her realize that she is—yikes!—middle-aged binge watching is so the new binge drinking, Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day, even if that means having her tattoo removed at one hundred times the cost of putting it on.

From attempting a juice cleanse to studying italian, jen is turning a mid-life crisis into a mid-life opportunity, and from sampling pasta in Rome to training for a 5K, from learning to ride a bike to starting a new business, sharing her sometimes bumpy—but always hilarious—attempts to better her life…again.


Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life

After all, home wasn’t built in a day. Praise for laurie notaro   “notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story. The plain dealer   “hilarious, and completely relatable, fabulously improper, Notaro is the queen of funny. Celia rivenbark, author of rude bitches make Me Tired“Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.

Library Journal . If laurie notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, clearly, because, then please consult your physician, your funny bone is broken. Jen lancaster, author of i regret nothing#1 new york times bestselling author laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team her husband’s not on it.

From defying nature in the quest to make her own twinkies, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, cleaning, including cooking, and putting on Spanx while sweaty which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport.

Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame.

At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream: Misadventures in Search of the Simple Life

At least in the city someone would hear me scream is a sidesplitting and heartwarming look at taking a risk, fulfilling a dream, and finding a home–with very thick and very dark curtains. Discover his journey to live the simple life in this hilarious memoir. Finally fed up with the frenzy of city life and a job he hates, wade rouse decided to make either the bravest decision of his life or the worst mistake since his botched Ogilvie home perm: to uproot his life and try, as Thoreau did some 160 years earlier, to "live a plain, simple life in radically reduced conditions.

In this rollicking and hilarious memoir, wade and his partner, cable, Gary, leave culture, and consumerism behind and strike out for rural Michigan—a place with fewer people than in their former spinning class. And though he never does learn where his well water actually comes from or how to survive without Kashi cereal, Michigan, he does discover some things in the woods outside his knotty-pine cottage in Saugatuck, that he always dreamed of but never imagined he’d find–happiness and a home.

Battling blizzards, and nosy neighbors equipped with night-vision goggles, Wade and his spirit, sanity, relationship, bloodthirsty critters, and Kenneth Cole pointy-toed boots are sorely tested with humorous and humiliating frequency. There, wade discovers the simple life isn’t so simple. We all dream about it, but Wade Rouse actually did it.