Author and snark connoisseur Lawrence Dorfman does his absolute worst, dishing out hundreds of clever insults for all situations and occasions. From careful instructions on how and when to throw a verbal punch to an expertly curated collection of the best insults in history, this uproarious little book has everything you need to become the ultimate slanderer.

The bestselling book on the art of the insult is back and it’s more blasphemous than ever. Every page is packed with delightfully mean one-liners for swiftly scorning your foes: You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately. You started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

His men would follow him anywhere but it was only out of morbid curiosity. Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. You fill a much-needed gap. Complete with charming black and white drawings that complement the book’s verbal spars, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition proves that the pen truly is mightier than the sword, and will ensure you’re never again without the perfect quip or comeback.

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The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of William Shakespeare

Have you ever wanted to quote the most quoted writer in the english language? deliver the most inventive and debasing Shakespearean insult “Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!”? Recite titillating love poetry like a modern-day Romeo to his or her Juliet? Or commit a wise speech about life’s woes to memory? The Smart Words and Wicked Wit of William Shakespeare is the perfect pocket book to keep on hand for the right occasion.

And we couldn’t agree more. Laugh, art, and cleopatra on the topics of love, rage, king Lear, Lady Macbeth, and muse along with beloved or not so beloved Shakespeare characters like Hamlet, cry, beauty—as well as life’s most irreverently relevant insights. Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit, ” said the world’s most preeminent English writer of all time, William Shakespeare.

Shakespeare quotations for every occasion—from pithy jokes and old timey insults to unforgettable insights on love, death, and everything in between. Full of savvy wisdoms from works such as twelfth night, othello, as You Like It, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and many others, this inspiring collection compiles Shakespearean quotations that speak of the writer’s enduring legacy—even in contemporary pop culture.

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Dad Jokes Holiday Edition: Yule Love Them!

Brace your elves for a winter punderland of the best dad jokes to make anyone sigh, and cheesy one-liners, quips, or roll their eyes! Filled with over 300 of the raddest and the daddest puns, groan, Dad Jokes Holiday Edition is the perfect way to sleigh this holiday season! . The perfect holiday stocking stuffer for anyone on your list!May your days be punny and bright!When it comes to bad jokes, there's snowman like dad.

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The Snark Handbook: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring Snark Series

The snark handbook also features hundreds of the best quotes from beloved heroes of snark:If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. Dorothy parkeri never forget a face, but in your case, I’m happy to make an exception”-Groucho MarxThere are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best part.

Charles dickensi’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis dillerwith charming black and white illustrations to accompany the wry remarks on every page, The Snark Handbook is as fun to look at as it is to read. It’s a must-have whether you want to brush up on your snark, need a good laugh after a bad day, or are looking for the perfect gift for your favorite smartass.

. This revised and expanded edition contains even more snide remarks, witty comebacks, and biting commentary than the bestselling first edition. The snark handbook is back and it’s more uproarious than ever. With dozens of hilarious jokes, plus lists such as snarky movie descriptions, but it can Buy”, ” Money Can’t Buy You Happiness, and Excuses to Get Out of a Date, ” it’s easy to find the perfect bit of irreverence to fit every mood and occasion.

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Dad Jokes: More Than 400 Unbearable, Groan-Inducing One-Liners Sure to Make You the Deadliest Dad With a Pun

Included within are jokes such as: Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler. This comedic canon compiles more than four hundred of the best pseudo-witty quips so that dads can hone their craft and ensure maximum eye rolling. Have you ever noticed when you’re out to dinner and your dad takes it upon himself to antagonize your server with a lame joke? Has he ever made a pun that made everyone at a family gathering roll their eyes? Has he ever made a corny comment about things simply lying around the house? If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you’re not alone.

Dad jokes are at the center of all dad interactions and the core of every dad’s persona. I woke up exhausted. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. What do lawyers wear to court? lawsuits!and many other gut-busting groaners for your amusement! With Dad Jokes, give your dad the gift of becoming the ultimate jokester and the master of all things punny—or just keep it for yourself.

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Classical Mythology Complete Idiot's Guides Lifestyle Paperback

You're no idiot, of course. Don't curse zeus yet! the complete idiot's guide® to Classical Mythology has all you need for a working knowledge of the timeless world of Greek and Roman myths. But when it comes to classical mythology, you feel like you've been foiled by the gods. You can find greece on a map, know that Kevin Sorbo stars as Hercules on TV, and have heard of Freud's Oedipus theory.

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F for Effort: More of the Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers

Plus, this is a fixed-format version of the book, which looks nearly identical to the print version. Featuring gems from elementary school "two halves make a whale", middle grades q: what does "germinate" mean? A: To become a German citizen, and high school Q: Fossil fuels are usually associated with which major type of rock? A: Classic rock, these 250 examples of creative invention are sure to charm anyone who has had to bluff or blunder their way through a test.

From the author of the national bestseller F in Exams comes a brand new compendium of hilarious and inventive wrong test answers and homework hiccups.

Think Like a Psychologist: How to Analyze Emotions, Read Body Language and Behavior, Understand Motivations, and Decipher Intentions

You may not be able to read people’s minds, but armed with knowledge about behavioral tendencies, motivation and personality theories, developmental psychology, and nature versus nurture, you will always possess deeper comprehension that others may not even have about themselves. From this analysis, you will gain enormous insight into the people around you, new and old.

Learn to decipher all of it to further your goals. Think like a psychologist is about working backwards from the person in front of you. But that’s because you don’t know the tools inside this book. People give us more information than they realize. And of course, there is an element of lie detection. Understanding others is an opening to understanding yourself and self-awareness.

Patrick king is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from research, coaching, academic experience, and real life experience. Analyze people for better social interactions, more likability, less conflict, and the ability to open people up.

Learn the most widespread personality evaluation methods. Unlock the power of analyzing simple answers to simple questions. How motivation theories drive our behaviors.

Not Taco Bell Material

He's still connected to the working class guy he once was, and delivers a raw and edgy, telling all the stories, fish-out-of-water take on the world he lives in but mostly disagrees with, no matter who he offends—family, friends or the famous. In his second book, adam carolla—author of new york times bestseller In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks and chart-topping podcaster—reveals all the stories behind how he came to be the angry middle-aged man he is today.

Funnyman adam carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. Organized by the myriad "dumps" carolla called home—through the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood—the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way.

Adam carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for over fifteen years, yet he never lost his underdog demeanor. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories and debuts some never-before-heard tales as well.

The Dogma of Rufus: A Canine Guide to Eating, Sleeping, Digging, Slobbering, Scratching, and Surviving with Humans

Gotta check this out. Ok, back now. Puppies like you need my—wait, somebody just walked in with a hamburger. These new human-folk are trying to “teach” you things, like sitting or not ripping apart their fun-looking shoes, and you might start to think you should try to “obey. But i know better; i’ve been around the block and peed on most parts of it.

Those imbeciles might think they are your owner, as they are not very smart, but they give you things and throw you balls, and why - Biting—ask questions later - Welcoming guests—try not to hyperventilate - And much more! Communicating with humans can be difficult, when, but you’ll show them who really owns who armed with knowledge on these subjects: - Advanced barking—how loud and annoying can you go? - Cars—catch your Moby Dick - Licking—what, where, so you might as well try to amuse them.

Anyway, to survive in this world filled with brown-clad fools delivering packages and leashes, you need my guide to show you what’s what in this dog-eat-dog world of ours. So, you’ve been ripped out from your mother’s paws and taken in by a strange family of humans that has kids who insist on flapping your floppy ears and dressing you up like a ladybug.

Like dog beds; your human might try to force you to sleep in one of these, fresh-smelling king-sized bed, but with my sly techniques I can show you how to weasel your way into their clean, or even stretch yourself out and have it all to yourself.

The United States of Absurdity: Untold Stories from American History

Comedians dave anthony and gareth reynolds cover the weird stories you didn't learn in history class, and the Kentucky Meat Shower, such as 10-Cent Beer Night, the Jackson Cheese, accompanied by full-page illustrations that bring each historical "milestone" to life in full-color. . The creators of the podcast the dollop present illustrated profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school.

The united states of absurdity presents short, informative, events, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish but true people, and more from United States history.